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Intimacy

My attacker was someone I knew

“I was raped by a good friend of my sister's. Because he was known to us, my sister refuses to believe - to this day - that I was raped. How can she believe that I made it up, when I couldn't stop crying for three days straight after it happened?

I had always been friendly with him when my sister brought him by. I trusted him - it's stupid - because he wanted to sleep with my sister, and I thought that meant he would treat me nicely. One night we were all drinking together, I was stumbling and asked him to help walk me to my bedroom.

He gave me his arm to walk me there. Halfway to the house, I tripped and fell on the ground. He came toward me, I thought to help me up, and instead started raping me. He didn't kiss me, or touch me, and his face was just empty. It was so frightening. And to this day, my sister is convinced I seduced him and regretted it; she blames me for everything. She acts personally offended that the sex happened. It was not. My. Choice.”

Author: Sasha, Female Pennsylvania
Date: 06/09/10

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Replies to this post

“This is really sad and I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I hope that your sister is only going through a denial phase and that she will come around and give you all the support that you deserve.

In the meantime, I hope you reported the bastard to the police, and i really hope that your friends and your family (though not yet your sister) are helping you through this. It was absolutely not your fault and you should not blame yourself even though your sister seems to resent you.

I hope you are ok and recovering from this horrible experience.”

Author: Lili, Female France
Date: 16/09/10

“it's common - my mom took YEARS to accept the fact that my step-father raped me. because she loves me, she just could NOT get her brain to accept that she introduced the harming person into my life.

so - that's almost certainly part of what's up with your sister; if she was attracted to him, too... it's HARD to seperate in one's head, the IMAGE of a person that's developed vs. the REALITY that's just been shown. she's probably [stupidly] jealous that *you* "got to have sex" with him, bcuz, see, SHE wanted to have sex with him, therefor YOU wanted to have sex with him, and too many people believe that if you WANT to have sex you CAN'T be raped.

don't back down - don't EVER say "well, maybe i didn't..." stick to the truth.

and i also hope you are prosecuting - but also understand if you don't. the chances of WINNING such a case are, sadly and evilly, very very slim.

if you need to talk about it, and don't know anyone with whom you feel comfortable, you can email me denelian at yahoo dot com

i send GoodThoughts to you”

Author: denelian, Female Ohio, USA
Date: 28/07/11

“I am really sorry you had to go through this. As illustrated by this incident, it's so difficult to report rape as there is a culture of misogyny from which even women aren't exempt and the rape victim is blamed for the rape, and her character is assassinated in a way irrelevant to the actual crime.

How your sister can side with this horrible man is beyond me. Maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship with her - as she may be your sister, but she's certainly no friend of yours.”

Author: Arabelle, Female Spain
Date: 28/07/11

“I think what goes along with all the idiotic assumptions and ideas people have about rape, is that it is somehow a "compliment". That the rapist was "overcome with lust" and "couldn't help it". Your sister is being absolutely horrible, and as sick as it sounds, may be jealous that he "picked" you. You should not have to deal with her victim blaming. What on earth is she thinking? I hope you find the strength to cut such a toxic being from your life, she chose to side with a rapist and thus is not someone you can trust to prioritize your safety over her ego.”

Author: D., Female Middle East
Date: 26/08/11

“I agree with D, there is a good chance that your sister is jealous that you were seen as more desirable than her. Whatever is going through her brain, shame on her for choosing a rapist over her sister. The need to be accepted and fit in is more important than values to many.”

Author: Wendy, Female Rochester, NY
Date: 30/01/15

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Have your say

“Rape seems to be the only crime where it's seen as ok to put the victim on trial.”

Natasha, Female from Glasgow

“Short skirts don't cause rape. Rapists cause rape”

Joss, Female from Connecticut

“About time something like this was shown on TV. Hopefully it will make everyone realise there cannot be any excuse for rape - EVER.”

Helzo, Female from Renfrewshire